so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
