so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
