Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
