1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Randomize