Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
