I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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