after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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