You just made me feel so damn special
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
