WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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