Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
