I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
