she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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