He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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