Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
