im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
40s are totally the cure
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
