He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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