we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
oh god was she eating orange peels again
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
