I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize