WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
