Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
