Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
