i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
