eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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