T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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