well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
