I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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