ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize