u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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