i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
