i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Randomize
