Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
