there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
