Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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