Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
She bit a glass in half.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
