I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
