Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
