Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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