my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
