I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize