saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
