I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
