I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
