He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Never joke about your clitoris.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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