she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize