my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
