I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
