My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
