yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
