he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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