I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Randomize
