I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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