Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize