I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
