I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
