I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Two words: nipple clamps
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