so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
