Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
well most of my day revolves around power hour
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
