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i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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