I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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