I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
there's paper in my vomit.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
