I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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