we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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