the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
