she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
