recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
