I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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