Your dad touched me again.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
