Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
