u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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