How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
