she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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