OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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