is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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