Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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