Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
