Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
