So drunk its hurt
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Randomize