I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
