so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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