obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
