we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
