Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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