she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
