Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize