I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I'm passing your future prison.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
