So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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