She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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