well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
