the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
